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2014-2015 New Year coming...

A new year is coming. Maybe when you read this, it is already there? Who knows but you being in the new year or almost in the new year.

For me i can remember my year gone by, and then.... i can't.
I remember the highlights.

Last year this time, i had a girlfriend. Now i don't. We where meant to be together to eternity and beyond.... but i guess beyond came faster than we thought?
I don't know what i actually learned from it or maybe i do. I think i do. But you see there is this thing as the Universe, spirit guides and God and all of that. And from my experience, what you think, if sometimes something deeper or something really different. A few times it is exactly what you think you know. But it is hard to know for sure if what you think you learned, is actually what you learned, since stuff tends to go deep.

Last year at this time. I knew i was excited about one thing! I was going to meet an old friend with whom i had lost contact. Contact is now restored, thankfully! :D But i felt like a little kid because this guy had done something so cool that at the place i was at last year, to me that was and still is so awesome!

Last year about this time, not all knew. One knew! The rest of you didn't know the huge thoughts i was having and the road i would be headed down.
I was a bit scared, but i knew that i knew my friends and family, so the only thing i was scared about was how to say it the best way. The very best way to come out as me.
I was more excited than nervous. But i knew i had to do things right, and in a pace i felt good with.
Also i knew i in order for everyone to actually see it, say it twice. So i did! I came out as trans, but not this time last year, a little further into the year.
But boy was it hard to hold in me! I was about to burst it out. Shout it out to the world: HERE I AM, I AM A DUDE, A GUY, A MAN. I AM ME! FINALLY!
But sometimes it is good to think about good ways of doing big things in life, such as tell your entire world what you are about to do.
However.... the reactions i've got, i did not see that coming. I knew most would accept it! I was in doubt with a few, and then....
But everyone took it really good. The feeling that gave me... I am still high on it!
Even taking it out into real life went really well. People tried to use my new name and pronouns. And you know what? trying is always better than not doing it and ignoring and stay focused on what was, instead of what is.
So Sweden Rock Reindeer Crew. Thank you from all of my heart! I don't even think how much it really truly meant to me what you did! And i still hardly have the words for it. You did it! And the trip to Sweden Rock was the first steps into the real world for me as Jonas.

I know i equally have the same support online and what has happen is this:
People in my life has truly shown just who they are! The best friends a guy like me could ever have!! You didn't run screaming away when i did this! You didn't judge me! You didn't refuse my new life.
All you did was embrace it and say: Hi Jonas and welcome to the world.
Did you know? That made me cry, and even remembering this, makes me cry again. I mean look at you? Look at me and how blessed i am having you as my friend!
I finally have my lifelong dream. I have the best friends in the entire Universe!
You have said if i need someone to go with me to SK (Danish place for transgenders) you will go with me!
If i need support? You are there! If i need help. You are there! If anything, you are all there for me!
But i do hope that i am there for all of you as well! Never ever hesitate to ask or talk to me or call or write a text or letter. I am here just as much as you are there for me!
Thank you from all of my heart to all of you!! And if you are on my friendlist on fb, then this is for you!

All of my life all i ever wanted was to be somebody. I was consumed by this for most of my life. and there is still some of it left. I wanted to have been someone, done something, or at least gotten an education and held a job. Or even become a rockstar. I wanted so badly to be loved! I didn't see that i was and i am loved just as i am.
Not for the education i don't have.
Not for the rockstar i am not.
Not for the income i don't really have (a lot of)

I am loved for me. For my heart, my soul. My mind, my being.
As a little kid, i never thought i would ever be in where i am now!
I still remembering being so little looking up at the sky and asking God if he could send me some real friends.
I never until this year saw that my prayers where in fact answered!
Not only does that mean a higher power heard my desperate prayer, but others, here on earth heard them to! Either my prayer or God send it on to you? Who knows how that works?

Realizing this. And really taking it in did something to me!
Before i was consumed with fears that i would never be good enough. I wasn't good enough, i would never be any body.
Opening up for this and seeing what i actually had and what i actually had accomplished in life. Closed a door from my past and opened op new ones. And what i am to clean up in and realizing i also never thought i would be facing. But i am.

Last year this time.... I would never have thought i would ever say what i have just said. Nor would ever have thought what i am thinking.
All of this thanks to the most awesome bunch of friends! And my own work with my self.

AND... a book! Oh yes one of those :D (it gave me the answer!)
One night i was asking a question to the Universe, why on earth i had to come out as trans right now. I mean it is really hard to get help in Denmark right now, and if you do get some.... You have to wait for 8 month or more to get started with someone to talk to.
I understand why it is so important to talk think through first with a pro. Someone who knows about this. Because the journey you are going to take, will be hard.
If you choose to get hormones and surgeries, it is VITAL you know what can happen to you and your body. And for a few it does help just to get the hormones and surgeries, but for the most parts, you need to have a pro to talk to. A psychologist at the least. It is a process for the mind as well for the body, and both needs to follow this trip you are taking.
But waiting for more than nine month (my waiting) is hard... I wanted to talk to someone about my thoughts right away. And it felt like i just had to stop my own process in my mind because i had to wait so long.
But then i found some places online!! And one IRL place where i live.
It is vital to have someone to talk to!! Not just in a transgender thing, but and every life kinda thing that would be hard. You cannot go through life alone with your own thoughts. They will grow in one direction most of the time. And when you involve other people, you will get more inputs on a situation. Also if you need support and don't have it or think you can't tell the people around you, find a group either in your area or online and talk to them! say what is on your mind so you are not alone!
It took me 31 years to realize i was not alone with what i thought about me and my body. So neither are you. You are not alone out there.

One of the online groups i am in are for Trans Men over 40.
Now there i had something to chew deep on.... I had to accept my age! Which i didn't want to... because how the f*** did i turn up being so old all of sudden?
But i couldn't enter the group without saying my age so....
And it ended up ok... I am slowly accepting i am 42 without choking on it :D
These guys are so freaking AWESOME!!! Oh my God. The support they have. The knowledge and help are amazing! I felt right at home in there!

Now another group is Ben's Supporters!
This guy is also truly amazing! And his Mom!
Ben is a kid. Amongst a growing number of cool kids around the world who live as they know they are and having families who love and support this.
See this goes straight to my sentimental heart seeing parents owing up to their role as parents. Loving their kids for who the kids who they are!
But this group grew and grew and are growing right as you are reading this. With people who have support to give or needs support. Either to kids, parents, other family or friends. Or are either a young one who needs help and support and friends or even adults.
I support not only Ben and his Mom and family for everyone in there. In the pace i can!

If you want to be an Ally or you need support. Go to the group.
The main group is a secret group on facebook, and that so everyone can feel safe in there.
But there is a portal you can go through ---> Ben's Portal,
so you to can get either the help you need or be a supporter.

This time, this year! Almost at it's end i can look back at one heck of a journey. However i will not say as i did last year: "Come get me".
Noooooo not doing that! Some of this year was a bit to much. Even the smaller things as getting an eye injury but freaking safety glasses....
Rain pouring down at Pride....
The relationship i had ending.....
Waiting forever to go anywhere in my journey as a Transman.

And a few other things.

No! Not doing that! But what i do is keep on growing as a human being! The road to becoming me has been laid and i am walking it.
I do have a few things i most do in the new year. In fact it should be in the start of the new year.
Stop smoking so i can get surgeries and a healthier body.
Start training to get some muscles going for me.

And keep on meeting more amazing people from around the world... even if it is "just" online.
The people i have now meet through my own journey, has just been amazing! To think that in this very minute where you are reading this and i am writing it, amazing people are all over the world being amazing, kind, happy, supportive and all good.

I will now quote some from the book i mentioned earlier.
*Don't let fear guide your life"
I think it was something like that. But you should totally read the book:
Gerry Gavin: Messages From Margaret.

Let me give you a hint. If you get angry reading it. Feel fearful, sorry, sad or something like that. It means the book hit the spot! Just give it some time to sink in.

Have a GREAT year out the in the Universe! Be who you are! Because only you can!
Much love and happy thoughts from Jonas/
Redigeret af Dare2think on 30-12-2014 11:39
Happy Thoughts from Dare2thinK
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