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Imagine That......

Imagine That....
You are standing amongst people you know, and suddenly realize, you are no different than them.
What you thought, was only you thinking that you might be the only one, having the feelings you have. And then realizing that hey: Those among you, have the same feelings. The same thoughts. The same struggles.

Have you ever looked at someone, thinking: Hmm i might just be the only one felling this way?
Well have you?

I am just in the beginning of realizing that i am not the only one. Others have the same insecurities as me.
Others have struggles to! It is not just me.

Though, knowing that i am as i am. And others are as they are. We are all different.
But some how we do have things in our lifes, that can be struggles.

Last weekend (Look at the date for this post. Points UP!) i as i do. Said to my insecurities, that: No the world will not end! The train/bus will not drive off. No nothing bad will happen, and then i went. Even though, my insecurity screamed at me of this world ending in at least a billion ways.
I told it to shut the hell up and let me try!

You see. If you don't try, you will never know all the good things that could have happen.

Not only did i do one new(er) thing. I did two!
Mainly because i had to... due to money and lack thereof....

I took a cheaper bus to go see a friend.
I would take the train, as i know that well. I know when the train will go. I know from where! And i know i would only be 15 minutes from my home if something would happen.
But i did not have the money for the train, and i really wanted to go see my friend. So i tried taking the bus. A much cheaper way (rø
I did not know the area it would come!
I did not know the stops it would have on the way!
And i did not have a freaking clue where the end stop would be - and even how to get anywhere from there.

And from there, i still did not know how to get to my friend.

But i went! I checked for days before to see the area on google maps. Did get me any where closer to knowing a thing. But still checked, and had google maps open for days, just so i could re-check.

I even stood my (own) ground, not going out to check the bus stop before i actually went.
So when i went, i went, and i would hope for the best! And it all sorted, and at least the start of my journey didn't end in some weird field away from anything.

I was still however struggeling, as again, i did not know of any stops on the way. And the end stop - i simply had no clue where that would be. I have heard of it - but that was it.

And google maps did not show the construction that was at the place, so i ended up on a smaller de tour, before ending at the train station, to catch a train going to where my friend would get me.

Only huge surprise about that trip, was the ticket price. It was almost what i paid with the bus.... I don't get why, and no one could answer me why the hell it was so expensive. (Note to self, to call dsb...)

I knew the train line somewhat, as it was the way i drove before my mom died. But there where new stations. I counted those i knew of. Sat there, silently, actually freaking out inside.
Now i could not run back home - because i already paid money for this. But actually - i really wanted to run! Just run run run!
Again i told my bad half of me to shut the hell up!

A good thing is that i am introvert. It rarely show on the outside, when i am actually freaking out! Well almost. I sweat like a pig... that part i can't control.

The station came. And no wonder i have never heard of it.. It was out there. Fields all around, and then the station. A bit like: Let's throw this station RIGHT here! Kinda funny... Hehhe

My friend was actually there! So now with less things that could go wrong. Though there where still a few million things that could end the world... But going form a billion, to just a few millions, are a good thing..

However - It did open up for new categories to go wrong.
See it was a birthday party. Meaning, new people i have never meet.
I was offered to come the day before the party. Which i am glad about. Plus it offered more for me to go against with these annoying insecurities.

Note that i am a runner! Meaning. People (and animals) have two moods:
Fight or flight.
I am mostly into the flight thing.
So naturally i had checked how i could run from there, if needed.
HAHA only thing was that the place my friend lives at, is 6 km from anything! Even a bus or train.
It is great exposer therapy right there. When there are so little way to run - when you are a runner.

Now i am not all about these bad things. I do love nature! The more nature i can get, the happier i am!
And she lives right there: IN nature! Fields, fields and more fields all around. Woods, smaller lakes. Never mind the bugs and snails that later invaded everything. Hey it is all part of nature.

First exposer thing, was meating her boyfriend.
New person! Meaning: Me freaking even more out!
Oh my poor heart was really at work that weekend!

But he was really cool! Down to earth type of guy!
And i meet her dog! That helped a lot!

For some reason, animals always help in situations that can or could be hard!
The dog is a pug. Small dog with huge opinions on things! Bredt grin Gotta love that!

And right about there, came the next hard things.
1. Eating!
I hate eating with other people. I don't know why... But i think, it has a bit to do with accepting having a need. And since i do not want to be in the way of anyone... eating is what i hate doing with other people.
So i did not eat until i was full... Because, what if i would have asked for more... (yeah it makes no sense i know! It makes no sense to me either - and yet, that's how i roll)
But what i ate, tasted great! Glad

2. Put up my tent and accept help!
I HATE asking for help! I HATE having help! And yes that to makes no sense at all.

Everything but my resent tent, is bought, so i don't need any help with anything!
So the tent i did bring, was the one i would not need any help with. However i did get the help, and it wasn't bad. Again, the world did not end at all! All that happen, was that my tent went up, and that was it.

We then went for a walk! The pug needed it, and so did we.
Stunning nature! Just five minutes into the walk, we saw a small, and a big fish! And a hare, and a woodpecker. I was through the roof about this!
Not the fact that there would also be ticks! I HATE those perverted small things!
Didn't get any! Thankfully!

The walk was so good, i totally forgot to take pictures! And i never do that. I always try and take pictures. But here, i totally forgot! Bredt grin

The area would be a place i could see myself living. Beside that fact, that i do like having to walk only ten minutes, to go shopping for food.
If i lived in an area like that, i would need a car. I could get one, yes, but i do love riding trains!
I live in a big city. But what i love about living here, is the nature is just around the corner. Not as much as where my friend lives at. But still a lot for a big city.
Try a trip on google maps and search for this: Odense, Denmark.
Go ahead - give it a go!

When i finally went to bed that day - i layed with a big smile on and a: YAY I DID THIS!
Two more days to go!

Sadly i did not get enough sleep. And not getting enough sleep does several things to me.
The worst is the headache! It is almost as bad, as a migraine. And i could not see any ways of getting nap to fix this. So i knew it would come, and i just had to go with whatever the day brought to me.
I knew that meeting strangers, would not help on this. And i knew that i would be somewhat off, due to lack of sleep.
But i pressed on.. Helping where i could. Doing my best.
And also realizing that i forgot my deodorant.
Yes that would end up being an issue! A stinky one.

I did have a shower when i woke up. But since i did end up doing manly things, and sweating my ass of - this ended up being an issue.
All i could do, was to make sure i at no point, had my arms up!

To stink - is another issue of mine. I want to smell good. I guess not really an issue, as much as being the not so smelly guy! Blink

Again being introvert as i am. My pokerface was up. But i did count everyone coming. Seeing if i could reconize them from last year (Yeah i saw some of them last year)
Thankfully i had gotten a job, that was to find music for the night. And that was perfect for me, because then i did have to run around looking like what i felt like: The one, who didn't knew where to place himself.

I did manage to sneak away, for a small walk a take some photos. It had rained however, and all i had done to make my shoes rainproff, did not work at all!
And after we ate, i just couldn't do it anymore. My feet where soaked.
So i took a nap... hiding myself away for a bit... knowing i now had the perfect excuse for why i would suddenly have gone away for a bit.
I couldn't beat the headache though. But the nap helped a bit on the lack of sleep.
And i had to then ask for two things. (Again i am not good at asking for things)

I thought a hairdryer, would be the perfect solution to my soaked shoes. But my firend had a better one. Her own shoes Glad
I then borrows a pair of her shoes, until my own dried up.
However, she did something else i didn't expect. She took my shoes and put paper in them. I could have done that myself. But she did that. Glad
And having dry shoes and socks, helped a lot to! The world just get's a little bit better with dry socks and shoes Bredt grin

The other thing i had to ask for, was pain meds.
Now that would be normal... But it then shows to others, that something is wrong with you, and you need help. It can or could, make you just a bit more vulnerable.
But it did show me something else... It is actually just that, and it is ok to ask for help! Once again, the world did not end at all! In fact, i ended up kicking the headache, and i ended up enjoying the evening a lot.

Hehe at some point, this guy kept on calling me over to him. HEY JONAS; COME OVER HERE - let's talk.
He did it around five times or so. I didn't go, because i had no clue on who he was. Still not quite sure who he actually is???

But me being very logically in life. Calling me over for him to wanna talk to me?
If he wanted to talk, then why didn't he get up and come over to me?

I have not gotten bit by these since what? 1989?
I have now 5 mosquito bites!
They don't itch or anything. But i was sitting next to one whom they loved, and i think, that they simply got really happy and confused, so they also bit me! And must likely regretting they did that, since i am not good food for mosquitoes.

I did meet people i did know! I must mention this!
These people are to me, sooooo cool!
I saying this ot myself while looking at them, i then realized: Hey... I am not the odd one out here (ok maybe a little) These people are just like me.
Living their life with whatever they have in it. They to have struggles! They to have happiness. They to have love. They to are as me: Human!

For me realizing this, was actually a WOW!
Because, then i would really have to realize, that see brain: The world does not end at all meating up with people.
Nothing bad happens at all!
All that happens is your life grows in experience. You meet new people to, that might actually be a new friend.
You never know these things, if you don't go out into life.
If you never ask you inner doomsday voice to shut the hell up.

So came Sunday. And i did something again, i would never have done. But what i did, made sense to do!
I asked another guest for a ride.
Because my friend really looked like she should just stay where she was - not so far away from her bed Bredt grin
And the guest, was going anyway, so i might as well get a lift from her.

Before going, i did help where i could. Which is another thing that makes me feel good, and not so off.
But we where all tired, and i guess not 16 any more....

When i finally came home - i only did two things. I took a shower, and went to bed!

But what happen in the train home - shows how good this weekend was for me. I talked to strangers. I even talked to a toddler. Smiling little fellow who just knew how to say "Hi" to everyone. Which he did Bredt grin

I do this as often as i can....
Expose myself to what i don't want to do.
The don't want to do part of me, is the scared little kid, who is afraid of everything, because everything might go wrong.
But the adult parts of me, are the parts that actually get's me out the door!
I don't want my life to be one, where i sit in my home all the time. For me that is not how i picture my life.

I have done this for years now - and i will continue doing so! Because, maybe some day, my inner doomsday voice will no longer speak so loud or even speak at all.

Because see inner doomsday voice. The world did not end at all.
Sure there are still wars.. Still people killing people for strange reasons.
But me going out into life - is never doomsday!

With this - i would like to thank my firned for believing enough in me, to invite me! And everyone at the party, who made it awesome!

Happy Thoughts from Dare2thinK
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